Embarrassed to be me.

When I first decided I would write this blog post I was crying my eyes out driving down the road in the middle of a "Severe Thunderstorm Warning". I feel like I owe it to my boys to explain myself at this point in our lives. Maybe when they get older they will be able to read this and my other blog posts and better understand me. Maybe they will be able to learn from some of my life decisions/mistakes.

I guess this all started with my promise to be home with you this Friday and I ended up working anyway. Not only did I work all day but I broke my promise to come home early to play outside. Then when I did get home I got called away by work and didn't get home until 1am. I was up until 5am listening to the storms, holding onto my phone terrified that roofs were going to leak. Then I slept all morning. When I got up, I was on the phone for work and emailing/texting all day.

I do not like the person I have been recently. I am embarrassed by the mother I have become and I am living with a broken heart. I want my boys to know that I recognize that I haven't been around and it is not by my choice. I'm stuck in a place in my life where no matter how hard I work I can't catch up and I can't get home.

I tell myself everyday that in a a couple of weeks it will get better, Friday I will try and get home early or tomorrow I won't get worked up that we are running late. But those things never happen. As hard as I try I can never keep my promises.

I guess I want this to be an apology to my boys:

I am sorry you are in daycare for 11 1/2 hours a day.
I am sorry that I make you wake up so early and then get angry that you are moving slow.
I am sorry that I break every promise I make to you because I can never ever getting my work done.
I am sorry that I am distracted by my phone when I am at home.
I am sorry that I ruin every fun thing we do together as a family with work.

...I wish we had the opportunity to live our lives different. I can't continue to live like this. I don't have it in me. My heart is broken. When my boys are grown I know I am going to be embarrassed by this point in our lives. I am already.

Todays Gospel

Matthew 10: 7 - 13
7	And preach as you go, saying, `The kingdom of heaven is at hand.'
8	Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons. You received without paying, give without pay.
9	Take no gold, nor silver, nor copper in your belts,
10	no bag for your journey, nor two tunics, nor sandals, nor a staff; for the laborer deserves his food.
11	And whatever town or village you enter, find out who is worthy in it, and stay with him until you depart.
12	As you enter the house, salute it.
13	And if the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it; but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you.

Garage Sale, Reds Game, Swimming - Its SUMMER!

Yesterday we were very very busy! 

We started the day at 5 am when Jack woke up. Well, Friday the boys spent the afternoon with Grandma and that wiped them out so Jack slept 10 hours straight, unfortunately the 10 hours stopped at 5am! So we started with some cuddling and then we got some shoes on and were at the grocery and back by 7:45am.  

That was perfect timing because our garage sale started at 8.

The boys played outside all morning. They were good for the most part and we made nearly $300.00 at the garage sale.  The best part is that we made a ton of room in our storage area!

Then we went to the Reds game. Unfortunately there was an accident on 75 so it took us nearly 2 hours to get down there. But luckily we got our free reds hats and we were able to make it just in time. As we were going in I let the boys pick one $10 item from the Pro Shop.  Jack picked a Joey Votto Bat and Nicholas picked a pair of Reds' Socks. The kid LOVES clothes. He is still wearing the socks.

Once Nicholas realized we were playing the Dodgers he decided that "I love the Dodgers and the Reds the same" (because Benny the Jet Rodriguez played for the Dodgers, he loves the Sand Lot). So he was cheering for whoever was batting. At one point he told me that "when I grow up and I play baseball for a team I am going to play hitter". Apparently we need to better explain the Offence/Deffense aspects of the game. 

We had a great time at the game. We got to see JV hit a Home Run! It was so cool to see Nicholas clapping and shouting. Jack was a little startled by all of the excitement but he still gave some enthusiastic thumbs up.

In the car Jack and Nicholas got into a fight over the wooden bat and Jack took the bat to the nose. We had to pull over on 50 and deal with Blood EVERYWHERE, but after a little cleanup, some ice and a Snapple we were on our way.

After the game we dropped off some coolers to our SHS friends the Williams'. They invited us to stay for a bit and swim and we don't turn down an invitation to swim! So we got to see our friends Hope and Carson and we made some new friends Gavin and David.

So we knocked off 2  (#17 go to a Reds game and #18 go swimming) more of our summer resolution items leaving only 27 more!

Today's Gospel Reading - HBD Church!

Matthew 28: 16 - 20
16	Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them.
17	And when they saw him they worshiped him; but some doubted.
18	And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
19	Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
20	teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age."

I will call this the first day of summer!

Memorial day weekend!

There are some days of the year that everytime they come around I think "weren't we just here?" or "how did we get here?". Memorial Day, Labor Day, Christmas and Easter are you usually those days (plus birthdays and snow storms). I start to think of how far we have come, how big the boys are and ways we spent these days in the past.  So here we are on the edge of summer (not real summer but more or less summer) Jack is a real solid 3 and Nicholas is 4, we have been married for 5 years and in this house for 6. How did we get here?

Anyway with it being a holiday weekend we started it out with a bang and knocked off one of my summer resolutions to go to the zoo. We went with our SHS buddies and had a really great time. I love my SHS girls. I am so proud of them.

Nicholas and Jack were good for the most part.

We fed goats and saw monkeys and turtles, giraffes and elephants. We ate lunch at a picnic table with our friends and played on the playground.

We rode the train with the Faircloths and Grandma. We stayed for a whole 4 hours. I think that is a record for us.

Now we are home taking naps. Dad is cutting the grass and mommy is considering a nap for herself.

Go tell John, it is summer again!

Todays Gospel

John 15: 18 - 21
18	"If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.
19	If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.
20	Remember the word that I said to you, `A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you; if they kept my word, they will keep yours also.
21	But all this they will do to you on my account, because they do not know him who sent me.

"No one knows about that day or hour..."

"No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." Matthew 24:36

I think this whole rapture thing is making me want to take another look at revelations.

Although the world was predicted to end by very few it caught the attention of a bunch of people. We were able to celebrate a very happy birthday for Jackie. We went to Walk Now for Autism at Coney Island, then took some naps. We finished it up with dinner and ice cream over Nonna's house.  Not a bad day. The world didn't end for us. I don't think anyone knows when it actually will.

So we are spending this Sunday morning watching cartoons (Mickey Mouse Club House), playing with pirates, and wearing Santa Hats (we do this year round).

Go tell John, we are still here.