A confession of fear and doubt.

Lets Start first with a reflection on the gospel:
Today's gospel is The Prodigal Son. Jesus reminds us again and again that he came to save the sinners and that we need to love the lost and bring them back home. I often think of myself as someone who gets lost and comes back time and time again. I take for granted all that I take for granted all that I have and just as soon as things  get tough I run back to our Heavenly Father and beg for him to take me back in, and he always does.


Now for my fears:
I am currently in a state of total fear and panic. We are entering April and on the 30th is Sipping with Saints. Everything seams to be in line. We have great volunteers, we have artwork, we have wine, we have food....but will people show up? I am terrified that they won't.

I can't sleep thinking about it. Every moment that I am home I am working on and thinking about this event.

Now for a quick prayer:

Oh God, please help us to know and do your will. If it is your will for us to serve this community please help us to have the strength to stick with it. Please, with your grace, be with our volunteers as they give their time and talents in your name. If it is your will please help the community to believe in our cause and to support our organization as we support your daughters and our Saints. Amen.

Go tell John, Jennifer Dunaway needs some validation.

Todays Gospel

Luke 15: 1 - 3, 11 - 32
1	Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him.
2	And the Pharisees and the scribes murmured, saying, "This man receives sinners and eats with them."
3	So he told them this parable:
11	And he said, "There was a man who had two sons;
12	and the younger of them said to his father, `Father, give me the share of property that falls to me.' And he divided his living between them.
13	Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took his journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in loose living.
14	And when he had spent everything, a great famine arose in that country, and he began to be in want.
15	So he went and joined himself to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed swine.
16	And he would gladly have fed on the pods that the swine ate; and no one gave him anything.
17	But when he came to himself he said, `How many of my father's hired servants have bread enough and to spare, but I perish here with hunger!
18	I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you;
19	I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me as one of your hired servants."'
20	And he arose and came to his father. But while he was yet at a distance, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.
21	And the son said to him, `Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'
22	But the father said to his servants, `Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet;
23	and bring the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and make merry;
24	for this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to make merry.
25	"Now his elder son was in the field; and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing.
26	And he called one of the servants and asked what this meant.
27	And he said to him, `Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he has received him safe and sound.'
28	But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him,
29	but he answered his father, `Lo, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command; yet you never gave me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends.
30	But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your living with harlots, you killed for him the fatted calf!'
31	And he said to him, `Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours.
32	It was fitting to make merry and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.'"

Nourish yourself with the fruit and burn the rest.

On my way to Mass this morning I was thinking about how I am full of such anxiety. I feel like there are a million things I have to do and I can't even keep track overything in my head.  At the same time I feel like God is asking me to do new things that I don't even know where to start with.  I was praying on my way to Church that during Mass I could get some peace of mine.

Well, as you can imagine from my previous posts Mass is not a place for peace with my boys acting wild. But then, we came to the Gospel and Homily where the priest told this story:

There once was an orchard farmer. He owned and worked an orchard that his father owned before him and his father before that. He grew up on the farm and his children all worked with him there and after years and years of being on that farm and working with the trees a bolt of lightening came and burned down the trees.  The man was very sad and he cried a lot. His family knew he was very sad and said to him, "now what do we do" the man said "gather up the fruit, and burn the rest"

How fitting, sometimes things change in our lives and we aren't ready for them and we aren't happy with the changes.  But all we can do is take the good parts and burn the rest.

Todays Gospel

Matthew 17: 1 - 9
1	And after six days Jesus took with him Peter and James and John his brother, and led them up a high mountain apart.
2	And he was transfigured before them, and his face shone like the sun, and his garments became white as light.
3	And behold, there appeared to them Moses and Eli'jah, talking with him.
4	And Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, it is well that we are here; if you wish, I will make three booths here, one for you and one for Moses and one for Eli'jah."
5	He was still speaking, when lo, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him."
6	When the disciples heard this, they fell on their faces, and were filled with awe.
7	But Jesus came and touched them, saying, "Rise, and have no fear."
8	And when they lifted up their eyes, they saw no one but Jesus only.
9	And as they were coming down the mountain, Jesus commanded them, "Tell no one the vision, until the Son of man is raised from the dead."

"I have made a pact with my tongue"

Some say it is unreasonable to be courteous and gentle with a reckless person who insults you for no reason at all. I have made a pact with my tongue; not to speak when my heart is disturbed. -- St. Francis de Sales

This quote immediately made me think of my kids. How many times do my kids do things that makes me immediately react with rage? I would say this happens at least once an hour and 20 times an hour during Mass. So this leads me to my story...

 

Mass the past 3 weeks have been disastrous the boys don't listen, they move the entire time, talk to loud and want to be held the entire time.  Jack ways 30lbs and Nicholas ways 40lbs.  I can not hold these kids for an hour straight, it is not physically possible. After Ash Wednesday, I seriously considered never taking my boys to Mass again. Nick even said he has gotten nothing out of Mass for the past 3 weeks.  So, on the way to Mass I talked it through with the boys. Each of them was assigned a parent (I had Jack, he is lighter) and Nicholas was with Nick. Mass was much much better than weeks past but I don't know what Jack's deal is? He can't be good, he moves, he shouts, tells me how fat and old the people around me are and lets the entire congregation know he has to poop.  At  one point I grabbed his arm tight, told him through clenched teeth to "knock it off" and out of no where he socked me with the other one right across the face. I didn't do anything, didn't say a word. Anything I would have said or done would have been emotional and inappropriate so I just shook my head at him and looked away. He was good after that for a while, he knew what he did was wrong.

 

Sometimes my kids drive me crazy. I pray and pray to be a better mother, surely your kids are supposed to drive you crazy. But, I think they are. It teaches me good lessons about self control and my reactions are teaching them how to cope with emotions. 

 

So, I came home from Mass and found this quote from Saint Francis de Sales. I think I will use it.

 

So go tell John, I made a pact with my tongue. I need to clear my head before reacting at home and I guess I can use this at work too.

Read more: http://www.ewtn.com/devotionals/inspiration.htm#13#ixzz1GVDHVxov

Lent is Here!

Lent is here! What a cool time of the year to be Catholic; fish fries on fridays (Dayton does the circuit best!), Mardi Gras and St Patricks day right in the middle.  But, what we are really doing for Lent is preparing ourselves for the Miracle that is Easter.

So, I decided that I was going to try and do some spring cleaning of my heart and body to prepare myself for Easter.  First, I wanted to go to Mass everyday (that quickly went out the window, work is way to crazy for that), then I decided to give up caffeine and meat.  At first I was disappointed in myself for not being like Levi and leaving everything to celebrate Mass (but I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't want me to lose my job). But then, I found that even though not eating meat and drinking caffein is hard it was not only preparing my body for Easter but also my heart. Everytime I think I want to eat meat (or today when I really wanted a goetta sandwich or brat like everyone else) I think to myself, no you are giving that up for Christ and the tiny little sacrifice cleans a little bit of my heart making more room for God.

It might seam silly, but I mean it.

Also, great news - Jack is sooooo close to being potty trained! He spent the whole day Friday in big boy underwear.  Now they keep reminding me that I poromised them we would go to Disney when Jack is potty trained.  Looks like Orlando is in our future.

Today's GR

Luke 5: 27 - 32
27	After this he went out, and saw a tax collector, named Levi, sitting at the tax office; and he said to him, "Follow me."
28	And he left everything, and rose and followed him.
29	And Levi made him a great feast in his house; and there was a large company of tax collectors and others sitting at table with them.
30	And the Pharisees and their scribes murmured against his disciples, saying, "Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?"
31	And Jesus answered them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick;
32	I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."